You Are Here

This weeks discussion focused on a root cause of many issues within marriage - the controlling wife and the passive husband. The discussion was excellent with lots of input. Game time was great as well - No Legos were harmed in the enjoyment of gametime.

Our discussion questions were:
1) Share your experiences with passivity. How have you seen it weaken a relationship?
2) What kinds of controlling behaviors are damaging your relationships? If this is something you struggle with, what might be the source of this tendancy?
3) What changed do you need to make to step into the role God created you to fill as a man or woman of God?

Follow this link for more questions to consider in regard to this message.

http://ext.lifechurch.tv/pdf/OUAM2.pdf

On first look this would sound like a series specifically Not for singles. However, Craig is great at bringing things in a way that applies God’s truths to everyone. For LifeGroup time we had a video interview of a couple to begin and then discussion of the following questions.

1) What kinds of preconceived ideas do you have about marriage? Talk about how the marriages of people in your life have shaped those views.
2) Share a situation where you’ve compromised to keep a relationship. Where do you draw the line between positive compromises and destructive ones?
3) Who or what is the ONE in your life right now? What steps will you take to make God your ONE?

Next week part 2

See ya there 7:00 pm Monday for discussion come early for pool, darts, snacks and fellowship.

Why, Why, Why

Anyone that’s ever had a child knows that they all seem to go through a phase, or 20, where they ask why about everything.

The Toddler Why
This is where everything is questioned. The toddler is going through that stage of discovery where everything holds wonder and newness. While the toddler why can be really irritating to the parent - but we know, and sometimes understand, that they are learning and growing.

The Teenage Why
This is where everything is questioned from a sense of rebellion and/or “know-it-all-ness.” Yes, we parents know this stage well. Fortunately teenagers eventually grow up and get past this stage - well, most of them.

The Adult Why
Better known as the “why me.” This is where the questioning is focused on what we lack or areas where we feel “shorted.”

The Mature Why
Not everyone reaches this stage - in fact many people get stuck in any one of the previous stages. This is where a person begins to ask why, not from their own perspective, but from that of others. Not why don’t I have, but why do I have. Not why can’t I, but why can I.

THE POINT
As Christians we go through these same stages. What are you asking why about? What’s the purpose behind your why?

This weeks group discussion revolved around the idea of service.

What do youi think of when you hear that word? Service sounds like work doesn’t it? So when you work you work to earn something . . . but that doesn’t sound very Christian, yet we all know we are supposed to serve. So, how do we serve in the right way.

Maybe we should consider a different word. Ministry! Yes it doesn’t take much to discover that according to scripture we are all called to ministry. But what does ministry mean? There are several definitions, but perhaps the most concise would be “meeting the needs of others.” With that in mind service becomes clearer.

So, just look around. At home, work or play we all see needs. What kind of needs do you see? What can you do to make a difference?

Will you step out of your comfort zone and make a difference?

In a group study this week the question was asked - What does it take to have a good relationship. All of the normal answers were heard, time together, common interests, faith, etc. While all of these certainly are elements and very important, I believe, for the Christ Follower, the the most important is Synergy. What is Synergy? By definition "The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects" In simple terms 2 + 2 = 5.

Why is Synergy most important? In finding good relationships the elements that allow or help you to get along are vital. But as a Christ follower I have to always keep before me my purpose and highest calling and that is to know Christ and to make Him known. Synergy says "Together we can accomplish more for Christ than we could as individuals."

So, examine your relationships. Those that are Synergistic - encourage and build them. Those that are not - ask yourself what can be done to make them so?

Now, take the partnerships in your life and go make a difference for Christ.

Belief is a decision. Most of us come to our beliefs as a passive decision – whatever comes about we just accept it into our lives and it becomes a part of us. There are 2 really big problems with that approach. 1) There is both truth and fiction in most everything, without an active decision we are likely to allow in what is easy, and that’s seldom the truth. 2) There is not a standard in your life.

What is the source of your belief?

Option 1) Believe in what feels good.

          This is easy and natural and enjoyable – for the moment. Believing in what feels good, however, has many drawbacks. For example feelings waver constantly and often dramatically. In believing in what feels good a person will seldom be truly in the realm of what is right.

Option 2) Believe in what you know.

          This too is a natural and easy mode to fall into as it reaches into our pride. We all like to think that we know everything. The obvious problem is we don’t know everything. What if we’re wrong on the “big” issues?

Option 3) Believe in people – follow the crowd.

Following the crowd is one of those options that is generally by default rather than decision. Matthew 7:13 Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.

Option 4) Believe in truth.

If talking you’re not understood, or if listening you don’t understand, if others don’t understand, or maybe misunderstand, or understand some and misunderstand some . . . Confusing isn’t it.

So with all that it’s kind of amazing that good communications ever actually takes place. But there are a few keys.

1)            Admit your filters

a.    As we’ve discussed we all have filters – admit them, own them and be aware of how they affect your communications.

2)            Take every thought captive

a.    Be an active listener. Take the time to evaluate what you’re thinking in light of scripture.

3)            Listen more than you talk

a.    Most of us listen just enough to figure out what we want to say next.

4)            Be respectful

a.    Whether you agree or disagree with someone, people are important.

5)            Consider the other person first

a.    For good communications selfishness must be removed from the equation.

6)            Seek to understand

a.    Most of us spend most of our communications time trying to be understood. With that truth in mind it’s easy to see how seeking to understand the other person will improve communications.

7)            Body language and tone are critical.

a.    But that’s material for another time.

Last time we talked about the language we speak. The other side of speaking - and perhaps the hardest part - is how we listen.

In it’s simplest form listening is taking in words and sentances and getting meaning from them. Have you ever thought about the difference between hearing and listening? We hear all the time but listening occurs when we actually process the information.

How’s that for Illuminating the Obvious?

Now let’s dig deeper.

 * Filters *

Just as a filter on a camera can hide or exacerbate things so our listening filters (or better yet, life filters) determine both how and what we hear. Your good and bad experiences of the past create expectations, beliefs and understandings through which we interpret what comes in.

If you’ve been hurt you may expect to be hurt again. If you’ve been teased you may filter things with the expectation that others are speaking offensively. If you’ve been flattered you may let down your guard as you await further “pats on the back.”

We all have filters because we all have a past. Filters in themselves are basically neutral, but how we apply them is what makes the difference.

So, consider this - how do you feel when you talk to people (especially ones where the feelings are highly positive or negative)?  If you really want to improve your communications follow this advice.

2 Corinthians 10:5

casting down imaginations,

and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God,

and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ;

I’m not talking about English, Spanish, German, Pig Latin - I’m talking about your communication language. It’s a well known fact that men and women speak different “languages” and often have trouble understanding one another. But what about men with men and women with women, we still have trouble understanding.

Like “love languages” we each have “communication languages.” We speak from the language we know. The probleim is that we also listen from the language we know and therein lies the problem. If two people speak the same of very similar languages communication may be fine, but when the languages are more than a little different it can seem like an episode of the Osbornes than Leave it to Beaver.

So, what language do you speak? What do you to to ensure that you are being understood?

What do you think of when you see a Mime? Or more importantly, how do you feel?

Now I don’t want to offend any mimes right now, but . . . They dress oddly, wear makeup (a mask if you will) to hide their selves and they are always making a show. Pushing and pulling, pretending and pointing. Not unlike so many I’ve seen on Sunday morning.

If you’ve ever been “creaped out” by a mime or just asked “Huhhh?” You might want to take a quick look in the mirror as you’re heading out the door this Sunday and ask yourself, “Am I a Christian Mime?”